The mother worrier?

imgres-1There was a great editorial in the NYTimes this week named Mom:  The Designated Worrier.  The author 

I do believe that there is more of a shared parenting situation that has taken place over the past few decades.  It is refreshing to see.  More men staying home is one that feels good.  Yet there is always one person who has eyes in the back of their head and a head exploding with the details that need to get done.

I remember a few times that Fred wasn’t paying attention to the kids not out of anything but not thinking.  The time that Emily came down the water slide and he wasn’t exactly right there when she ended.  Our brains think differently.  I was never a worrier but more of someone hyper aware of what had to get done.  He is the worrier.  Worrying has never been part of my DNA.  I think it is a waste of time.  You only create angst by worrying about something you have zero control over.

What does happen is that once you have children with someone that roles begin to take place.  Both of you can’t be ordering the weekly groceries, making sure the kids after school activities are booked.  One person has to take the rein.  Then as time moves forward you start to fall into separate responsibilities around the house.

I would be fully shocked if I came home one day and Fred had prepared a meal for the family.  It just wouldn’t happen.  I took that under my wing a long time ago.  Roles are good.  It makes for great partnerships.  Setting them up from the beginning is important.  Getting lines crossed and blurred can create frustration and resentment.  Truth is, it is like a company, everyone plays a part and roles become more defined as the business grows.

It is interesting seeing our younger friends get married and have kids.  They are the next generation and the lines are more blurred but at the end of the day the roles become defined.  You just have to be happy with your job description.  Someone has to be the organizer, someone has to execute, someone has to worry, someone has to pay the bills, someone has to etc, etc.  Just be clear who has what covered.