Descriptions of men vs women

imgres-1There was a rousing conversation on a listserv I am on around the Hollywood Reporter list of the top 100 women in entertainment.  Hollywood Reporter got rid of the rankings but the descriptions of many powerful women who are household names were described as married mother of two to married mom.  What does that have to do with their career accolades?

I have been thinking about it all week.  Depending on where anyone is being acknowledged there full label changes.  When it came to our kids at school, my claim to fame was mother of Jessica, Emily and Josh.  I had zero problem with that because that was all that counted when it came to my “label” at school functions.

When it comes to being written about or acknowledgement in the tech sector it is usually noted as wife of Fred Wilson, venture capitalist.  Is it context for the reader or is it giving me some type of inheritance from my husband that I perhaps get the accolades because of my marriage to him?   I have yet to read any article that says Fred Wilson, husband of Joanne Wilson but there are many years ahead of us.

Let us not forget that even Gayle King asked Jessica Alba if Honest Company was a suitable fall back from her acting career and Susan Wojcicki if her 5 kids were all from one husband on stage at The Dreamforce Conference.  I am quite sure that Benioff of Salesforce and Travis Kalanick of Uber were asked anything surrounding their personal lives.

Business is business and there should be complete gender equality when it comes to information surrounding someone. In general women seem to be more open to discussing their personal lives when it comes to their kids.  If anyone asks me what I am most proud of it is certainly our three children and it is the first thing that comes to my mind when asked.  Maybe it isn’t for most men or maybe they are rarely asked.   The most important thing here is that if a woman is going to be defined by her personal life on a certain list or at an event than the men should be too.
I’d love to see a top 100 list of both men and women and only the men had after their names information about their families, their wives, their divorces, their scandals and all that with nothing behind the women except for their title.
Let’s see how men would react to that.

Comments (Archived):

  1. William Mougayar

    This reminded me of this story (which was told about the Clinton’s too.The Obamas Go To DinnerOne night, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of the ordinary and have a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. After they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s Secret Service chief if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. The chief obliged, and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. When she returned to the table, President Obama asked Michelle why the owner was so interested in speaking with her. She told her husband that, when they were teenagers, he had been madly in love with her.”So if you had married him,” President Obama said, “you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant.””No,” Michelle replied. “If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

    1. Kirsten Lambertsen

      Love it, ha!

    2. LE

      Actually what’s ironic about that “story” is the fact that I have always said that Obama would not be President if it wasn’t for the Oprah endorsement. She introduced him to the world. Her getting behind him was enough to put him over the edge. Obviously Michelle also (like Hillary) played a big role as well. Little things make a difference. I actually remember the first time he was on Oprah back when he was a Senator and she saw his potential.

  2. Kirsten Lambertsen

    Does your standard bio that you provide when asked include that you’re a wife and mother? Mine does not (unless it’s the kind of bio where everyone is including where and with whom they live). And I still wrestle a little bit with feeling guilty about not saying I’m a mother in my professional bio. The conditioning, it is strong.

    1. Susan Rubinsky

      But also, I think parenting builds experience that actually is beneficial in the professional world.

      1. Kirsten Lambertsen

        Yes, it absolutely does. It’s by far one of the most transformative things I’ve done.The reality though is that it’s something most of us are capable of doing and that most people end up doing (ignoring how _well_ any one person might do it). So, while valuable, and unique to each experience, it’s not what I think of as a resume item.

  3. Susan Rubinsky

    Love this: “I’d love to see a top 100 list of both men and women and only the men had after their names information about their families, their wives, their divorces, their scandals and all that with nothing behind the women except for their title.Let’s see how men would react to that.”

  4. TamiMForman

    When the movie Transamerica came out Felicity Huffman was interviewed on 60 minutes by, of all people, Lesley Stahl. At one point Lesley asked something like “Are you kids your greatest achievement?” There was an uncomfortably long pause before Felicity said (and I’m paraphrasing) “No. I’ve done a lot of amazing things in my life. Actually, I resent that question. You wouldn’t have asked my husband that.”I’m very proud of my kids, but I have also done a lot of amazing things in my life and hope to do many more!

    1. Gotham Gal

      Good for her

  5. AMT Editorial Staff

    Wow! Great points. Men will happily chat about family and bring out the phone for photos. BUT, they are not asked. And that is the point you make!

  6. jason wright

    when i read “…husband of investor Joanne Wilson” i will know that times have finally changed.

    1. Gotham Gal

      for sure!

      1. jason wright

        until then…

  7. LE

    My wife was at a work get together the other night and they did some stupid “guess who I am talking about in our group” game. Describe the person and see if others can guess who they are talking about. The group consisted of perhaps 10 men and 2 women including my wife. Both of the women were described by clues of what their husbands do, but the men were described by qualities that they had.

    1. Gotham Gal

      That’s depressing

  8. LE

    I’d love to see a top 100 list of both men and women and only the men had after their names information about their families, their wives, their divorces, their scandals and all that with nothing behind the women except for their title.That is actually a great idea. Any publication that did that would garner immediate publicity around that concept and it would result in a great deal of mainstream news coverage for sure.

  9. LE

    If anyone asks me what I am most proud of it is certainly our three children and it is the first thing that comes to my mind when asked.If I was sitting next to you in an airplane I know for sure that I would be much much more interested in you, and what you have done investment wise, than the fact that you have raised three kids. And even if one of your kids was famous [1] I would only be interested because it would be a great story to tell others “I sat on the airplane next to Stephen Spielbergs mother!!”.My point is although it is difficult to raise kids, it is much more difficult to do what you have done.There are all sorts of women who raise good kids. Most kids of middle or upper class families don’t end up in the gutter let’s face it. I might be impressed if a women in poverty (like Ben Carson’s mother) raised impressive kids of course. But the truth is I would be more interested in talking to you or someone that was your peer than talking to Ben’s mom.[1] One of my Dad’s customers back in the day was Henry Winkler’s mom. She bought giftware for her synagogue gift shop (while he was on TV at the time). Made a good story at holiday dinners.

  10. LE

    By the way I’d like to point out another dynamic that you and most women might not have considered. I can think of nothing that I’d like to do more than meet and be friends with women entrepreneurs. I would actually enjoy that more than doing the same with men. Really.Unfortunately there is one problem with that. I am married to a woman. And as such I know for sure that she would be jealous if I did that. There is no question in my mind (I don’t even have to ask). Not that she is super jealous, she’s not. You see it’s more than men typically socializing with men. In many cases men can’t really socialize with women the way they can with men. [1] Especially if the women are in the same age group or younger. Now of course on a “here or there” basis I could probably pull it off. I could if it was for business purposes. But not for friendship or just helping someone. Maybe a few times here or one time there. But with men the same activity is unrestricted. No explanation needed at all.[1] And the truth is I wouldn’t want my wife doing this either.

  11. Matt Kruza

    Only counter point i would offer is that does change somewhat for very famous women. Sheryl sandberg’s husband Dave Goldberg was ALWAYS referred to as Sheryl Sandberg’s husband in any main stream article I ever read. Also, Kevin Federliine was always Brittany Spear’s husband etc. THings have changed some