Being a Mom
Many of my friends will tell you that I am always looking for the next thing. What should I do next? For the past couple of years I have back burned any of my ambitions to focus on the home life. Yes, I am a trustee at the kids school and I am involved in MOUSE (a non-profit I chaired years back) to celebrate their 10th year anniversary, am involved in a construction project which is connected to building a new home for our family and really looking forward to being involved in a profit organization again but today it hit me the amount of work it takes just being a Mom.
I have always been a worker. I have always been ambitious too. I like being intellectually challenged. Maybe that is why I have always been looking and thinking about "what’s next." The last couple of years it has become a pleasure taking a hiatus from the work world. As much as I thought about the working world, I was always been hit with reality. As I have been focused more on home, it would be really tough to do what I do at home and be involved with a start-up for 60 hours a week. So, then what?
Yesterday we took Emily to Newark in the early morning to go snow boarding out West for 3 weeks and in the evening took Jessica to JFK to go on her program to live in Florence for the month of July. Then Fred and I drove out to the beach. I started to smell the fresh air and unwind.
What a year. It hit me last night as we were sitting in the back yard and enjoying the fresh air with a tequila in hand, how exhausted I am. Besides moving this year, keeping on top of everyones schedule, travel and just life in general it is more about being the "go to" person. Mom’s are the fall back person for everything. How to help your kid navigate teenage life, how to navigate being on a sports team, how to bring out the best in each personality and their different interests, how to navigate school, make sure everyone has clothes on their back, have books to read and suggest books that they really should read, get personal attention and of course figure out dinner on a nightly basis. Don’t forget keeping the refrigerator full or booking vacations or just making sure everything is running smoothly. It is a true full time job.
Somehow it just seems like something I just do vs. something I am working at. I guess it is something I work hard at just doing. Life was a breeze when the kids were young. Bigger kids, bigger problems is how the saying goes. I think it is just bigger kids bigger issues. Helping teens become independent young adults and eventually independent adults is not an easy feat. Every day is a lesson learned. Lots of communication. Learning by trial and error. Most important is keeping a very long leash so that the kids feel a comfort zone and a sense of security but at the same time feel free to spread their wings and test the waters. That frankly is exhausting.
I am looking forward to a little rest and relaxation by myself to just clear my head and take the load off my shoulders until everyone comes home and we start up again.
Comments (Archived):
I am quite in awe of your talents as a mom; it’s partly what keeps me reading the blog. But the R&R is well-deserved. Enjoy it!
We adore having our children around, but this child-less couple of weeks is really special for us. It is a preview into when you and your husband have finished the job of raising your kids and they can begin their search for the next big thing.
“….The last couple of years it has become a pleasure taking a hiatus from the work world…..”
It doesn’t sound like you have taken a hiatus from anything. It does sound like you miss the satisfaction of earning the money which you spend as you see fit. My wife works part-time in medicine and enjoys the independence (primarily from my prying budget eyes) it gives her. But it doesn’t give her the time to do the volunteer work you do (and I think she would like to) and still raise a family in Manhattan (or anywhere else, I suppose). The grass is always greener….
I couldn’t agree with your statement more. I have a hard time being appreciative enough of my wife and how hard she works — and we only have *one* kid (for now – second due in a couple months).
But I think being a mom is even *harder* than a full time job. For one thing: it never stops. There’s no leaving the office. Ever. Truly overwhelming workload.
Ah yes!! I can always count on you to put into words the feelings I often have. The things we do everyday seem so miniscule, from breakfast (my daughter just said “I’ll have the usual weekend breakfast,” would anyone else know what that is??)to calming the mini meltdown of a son in the pet store over a beta fish! It becomes so much a part of us that it doesn’t feel like we are “doing.” But it takes it’s toll and when my husband and I collapse together on the couch, just relaxing, I feel the exhaustion! I also thought things would get easier, but after holding my 3 month old niece the other day, I thought, my God, THIS was nothing! Take me back! Now with adolescence approaching and sports and homework, they need me so much more. But of course I am beyond happy to do it, I could not turn myself away for anything! Thank you for a wonderful post.
I am never bored. That’s my problem. I just don’t get bored…..I find that there are not enough hours in the day to do the things I want to do for myself as I raise these teens. I honestly don’t know where work would fit in right now. There are still so many things I want to do that I don’t feel I have time to do, and I’m not working 40 hours a week outside the house.
I think it’s excellent modeling to teach these teens how to cultivate their own interests and to learn to keep their personal interests at the center of their lives – always. Work may not always be fulfilling.
Work can be great….and I feel someday I’ll probably want to spend some of my time doing that again….but my brain is so happy right now. And you know what? It’s ok to be happy. No need to apologize for being happy at home right now. Not everyone knows how to figure that out. It’s as much of a skill as finding fulfilling work outside of the home.
a job is just a job.
a mom is so much more
love
fred
I am 26 years old, with no kids yet – I am in awe of what a fantastic mom you are (just from reading your blog)…believe me I am way MORE in awe of you being a fantastic mom than if you were a high powered exec or CEO…this is much harder, neater and more creative. I think you rock.
i love reading your blog, and as someone who has one young child, i am always interested in hearing more about parenting experiences from people who have have older kids and have great relationships with their kids, as well as having confident, happy, well adjusted kids (as you obviously do).. There’s obviously a lot of parenting books out there, but perhaps when you are ready for some next “job” you could find a clever and useful way of writing about your collected parenting experiences to share with the rest of us?