Stand by your man?

Needless to say the conversations about Eliot Spitzer’s demise has been the first topic of conversation wherever you go today.  One of the most interesting discussions have been among women with the question being, would you stand by your man?

Silda looks as if she was completely blind sided by the events of the past few days.  Here are a few snippets of what people said to me which I will just toss out there.  "I am not sure I’d stand up there, maybe she is so completely numb that she is doing just what anybody is telling her to do, maybe standing by your man right now keeps the family less exposed, i think you have to stand by your man, forgive them and move on, what does standing by her man mean to her daughters, does the media or society today expect a woman to stand by their man, maybe she never gave him sex and he felt he had to go somewhere else go get it, maybe she knew all along and he just finally got caught, maybe when you have all the handlers telling you what to do, you just do it, someone I know works with white collar substance abusers and said that when women drink, men leave but when men drink, women stay…what does that mean, are women just maternal so they stay".  All interesting conversations some I can see where others I can’t.

It does all create food for thought.  Nobody knows for sure what went on in their household behind closed doors.  The Spitzers seemed to have a loving partnership and a really nice family life.  So, what would I do?  I am not sure anybody really knows what they would do unless they are in the exact position as Silda is today.  Here is a man she had been married to for probably 25 years.  In one day her entire trust in him has been shattered not only privately but in a very public way.  Can you make a decision in a split second to stay or go?  Would I pack up my kids and let him hang out to dry on the public?  That would basically mean that it is over, forever.  That might be what I want, but for the kids, I think I would probably stand up there to support Daddy publicly.  After all, you are a political person in a very public arena, enough bad has happened to the family and leaving him up on the podium to dry might even be more difficult for the children.  Let the dust settle publicly, as it already has as of today, and then make decisions on what next.  No matter how much I might have gone from love to hate in a split second, my husband (ex or otherwise) will always be the father of my children.  Creating a rift between them and him is not in anyone’s interest.  The kids will be distraught as it is and it will be up to him to rebuild the relationship that they will now have.  I wouldn’t want to be the one bad mouthing him to the children, they are more than able to form their own decisions. 

All very complicated , it is far from black and white.  It is one thing to walk out on your husband privately, another in a public forum.  I give Silda a huge amount of credit for standing up their on the podium with her husband.  Time will tell what decisions she makes for her future and her childrens but I am not sure you can do anything after 25 years but step back and be very methodical.  After all, her husband certainly hadn’t been thinking with his head.  Believe me, I’d leave but it would be so incredibly painful that I am not sure I would be willing to not stand by my man, for my children, at least for the moment.