Don’t Discount What I Do

Images My friends wife had to return to her family, who lives in Norway, for a month.  She took the kids and left this past week.  Her father died suddenly, although he certainly had a long life, it wasn't expected.  My friend said he was thinking about me and conversations we have had over the years about not discounting what his wife does.  It happen to hit him right between the eyes this past week. 

Every morning, he gets up and leaves the house at the ungodly hour of 430/5am.  He is basically comatose as he grabs a coffee, that has been programmed for his morning cup by his wife every night, on the way to work.  He also grabs the milk from the refrigerator and pours it into his cup and without realizing it probably leaves the milk on the counter daily.  This week, his routine continued even though his family is abroad.  He got up, filled up his coffee mug, topped it off with a little milk and walked out the door.  The difference is when he came back that night, the milk was still on the counter just where he had left it leaving him no milk the following morning because now the milk had gone bad. 

What is the lesson here?  Relationships and marriages are partnerships that ebb and flow over the years.  We all take different roles as kids come into the picture or as jobs change but every persons role is just as important as the next.  Just because you aren't in the process of bringing home the bacon, per se, it doesn't mean that one person's job/role isn't just as important as the other. 

How does the house get clean?  How does the milk get put away?  How does the refrigerator get filled with food?  How does the laundry get done and end up the drawers folded?  How do the kids get dressed and happen to have new shoes and clothes each time they get a growth spurt?  How do we have dinner reservations with friends this week?  How did the kids bday party get planned?  How did that vacation get planned?  How did the car get serviced?  Need I go on? 

Running a family is just like running a small business.  Each day is different, there is a never ending list of to-dos, each decision you make has reprecussions, all days are learning and teaching moments….and each day is absolutely exhausting. 

So at the end of the day, no matter what role you take, don't discount what anyone does. 

Comments (Archived):

  1. ellen

    yeh, but today’s society considers this type of thing as menial so not something respected.

    1. Gotham Gal

      It should be respected.

      1. ellen

        I am the caregiver to my Mom and sister, remember the one with the brain tumor, and one of my step kids would always say “go out and get a real job and hire a woman to take care of them.”  No one understands that a “hire” doesn’t  really care like a family member and the nursing homes are not so great even at $10,000 a month

        1. Gotham Gal

          Agreed but don’t forget to make time for yourself.

  2. Sandi

    Amen Sister!! I am going to “accidentally” leave this post up when my dear man comes home! LOL! I have 2 special needs kids so I can’t work. I try to run a craft business out of the house, but it’s not taken seriously by any of them. They think you can somehow perform several hours of social networking, listing items, AND clean the house spotlessly everyday with no problem what so ever. Or maybe they think elves do some of it. Hmmm. I think I am going to keep an eye on this blog! Hugs new friend!

  3. oldernow

    Try being a single mom with three small children who works full time and has to do all this on her own.  Now that’s a job.

    1. Gotham Gal

      For sure

    2. Mark Gavagan

      Oldernow,It must be so difficult at times, yet also rewarding to look back on yet another crazy day packed with responsibilities and think to yourself “Wow. Another day full of accomplishments. I’m pretty amazing to have done all this by myself.”  Keep up the good work.

  4. Rohan

    Great story. Very true..

  5. Ignatius J. Reilly

    How many times are you going to regurgitate the same exact message?  If your blog says nothing else, it speaks to the truth of the work of Abraham Maslow – No matter how much money and stuff you have, you’ll always be miserable until you’re either working towards self-actualization or you’ve already gotten there.  I’m afraid you don’t fit into either category, and you never will.  

    1. Gotham Gal

      then don’t read it.

    2. Tracey Jackson

      I hate people like you I.J.R. you go on blogs to just oogle and criticize. I have come in contact with the likes of you far too many times online, get a life and unplug your computer.

      1. Gotham Gal

        nice one tracey

      2. Ignatius J. Reilly

        Tracey, now you’ve gone and done it.  You’ve hurt my feelings.  To write something such as, “the likes of you,” tends to make one feel isolated and alienated from his fellow human beings, and that’s just not nice!  And that’s all I have to say about that.And besides, my computer is already unplugged.  I use wireless because the Gotham Gal always tells me that the world is flat, and we all have to keep up with the advancement in technology and everything if we want to stay current in this ever-changing world, what with women becoming entrepreneurs and all.I.J.R, from the great city of New Orleans

        1. BB

          I suspect the only traits you actually share with Ignatius is that you are a lonely, fat-assed, smelly, jerk off. 

          1. Ignatius J. Reilly

            While I can appreciate the heart-felt attempt at your psychoanalysis with respect to my character, I must humbly correct your ad-hominem attack against my fine physique as well as my physiological traits, dispositions, and proportions.  I am in fact quite svelte, in an attempt to please the ladies, and I practice my daily ablutions with a zeal bordering on fanaticism in order to keep my body in a fine state of repair for such occasions when a member of the opposite sex sends out a signal that she is possibly willing, if I play the game correctly, to offer her affections to me.  And as for the last thing you wrote, it is not in my sensitive nature to scold you, but it is in poor taste to even think such things, let alone practice such abominations against one’s sanctuary.Yours Truly,I.J.R

  6. Linda

    WOW-Thank you for the reminder.  I work full time and go to school part time so my husband lovingly bears the bulk of the burden of the “chores” around our house.  I thank him often but your post nudges me to thank him yet again.

  7. Tracey Jackson

    This is so true and too many people think that a mom or woman’s job is often just a given. My husband really pulls his weight and I am deeply grateful. It drives me crazy when a dad watches  a kid and it’s referred to as he’s babysitiing and when we take care of our kids it’s just a given, or if we need to help so we can work and do other life chores some like to say we are not doing our job.  Even when moms work at an office job, often times they are still – most of the time they are still doing the household management, they just have to do it at night.Being a mom and running a house is a huge job and many women make it possible for men to be a success and no one gives them credit.

    1. Gotham Gal

      behind every man is an amazing woman….something like that.

  8. Mark

    Definitely! Like maybe buy the stock image you used up there :)KIDDINGBut seriously you should.

    1. Lisa

      Mark, how is it that you are even reading this blog? You obviously have nothing to contribute on the actual subject. Rather, men, just as yourself find a grammatical error or an ‘alleged’ pirated photo  – to dis the writer. Why not add some intellectual remarks about the topic of the blog or keep your snarky comments to yourself. Your general narcissim and lack of respect for the author is the reason for the subject content! Women have to continue to struggle to keep house, job, husband and children juggled like a chaotic on-going circus act is because hubby feels entiteld to just focus on winning one for the team – the job that is and it never occurs to him ‘who’ puts the milk away every morning he leaves it out.For all that responsibility SHE cannot successfully climb the corporate ladder like you are – she’s too damned tired.Ignatius….asshole emeritus

      1. Ignatius J. Reilly

        Dear Sirs,It is with deep regret and sadness to inform you that I take umbrage at the continued recriminations directed against my person for having contributed my scholarship to this fine periodical.  In a less vulgar era like when Rome ruled the planet, the populace would have been disinclined to use such coarse and unrefined nomenclature as was employed above to describe a certain part of the anatomy, which is best left to the gastroenterologists.I would, however, like to thank the author of this important dissertation for having the courtesy and dignity to address the highly educated among us with the proper designation.Yours Truly,I.J.R.