Bullet Points to your own confidence
I was interviewed this past week for a podcast with feminism being the theme. She is just starting to get her ducks in a row interviewing people and getting everything read before launching. She asked me a question that nobody has ever asked. Why was it that I feel comfortable and equal in a room of men because many women do not feel that way. They fall back on the imposter syndrome and sometimes get ruffled in those meetings.
I thought about it and more than likely it comes from my father and how he treated me as a child. My sister feels the same confidence in a room of men. It doesn’t phase either of us. Regardless that air of confidence in those situations has served me well. Men either love me or hate me and some women find me intimidating but I have tried to understand that about myself. I have tried to instill that in the women that I work with yet recently I have been wondering more about where does that come from.
The interviewer asked me what kind of advice would I give to women in these situations. I told her that every woman should write down a list of their own successes and use it as a tool to remind themselves what they have accomplished in their lives. Everyone has their own journey. Everyone has their own successes. Everyone should feel great about what they have done because those notches in your cap were created only by you. So when they walk into a room and feel unsure or not powerful they should think about those bullet points and say to themselves I am accomplished and I know my shit. Maybe that would help get rid of all of our imposter syndromes.
Good advice. Confidence lessens negative competition
Love this 🙂
I’d also add, don’t walk into the room thinking you will be marginalized because of your gender etc. If you walk in with a chip on your shoulder, people will recognize it-and the ones that want to will exploit it.
More more! Write more about this! This reminds me of that story I loved about how you trusted your gut and left your boyfriend’s parents’ place one summer in Massachusetts as a teen. I want to hear more about how you connect with your gut and don’t let other people’s vibe throw you off.
I’m looking into it!
And what did your dad do? What can we learn as parents?
My experience is like yours but I like to tell my female friends…”have the confidence of a mediocre white man” as it is my experience that they often feel like they are entitled to take up space – where as women fear they haven’t earned it. After I get a chuckle, they realize it’s true. If we all felt more confident and just pushed through our insecurities (and we all have them) we’d be a lot further along in the game of life.
a mediocre white man. i love that.