Get your aura on

Every Sunday, without fail, I read the Modern Love section of the New York Times.  There is something about the weekly story that I love.  I have been talking and documenting women entrepreneurs for years through blog posts and now podcasts, and I am always taken in with each person’s story.

This week’s Modern Love section focused on a 37-year-old single woman living next to a group of 23-year-old boys and ends up hooking up with one of them.  Through that short-lived relationship, she let her guard down because she didn’t need one, and a lot of lessons were learned.

Every week we are hearing, reading and watching about the unraveling of men who have behaved badly.  It is about time. When women control 80% of the purchases that take place in the country, companies should be paying more attention to that behavior too.  Women control the pocketbooks and will become a bigger force of nature with capital in the years to come.  Read the stats.

In between all the unacceptable work behavior, most women (and men) want to find a partner and eventually have a family.  Dating has changed dramatically over the past two decades.  Hooking-up casually is the norm on both sides of the fence, finding people to connect with has become easier with dating apps, and people are waiting longer to commit (although I still suggest having those kids when you are young, aka 30, if you can!)

The angst around finding that love connection is high.  What the writer in Modern Love learned, and other women who have told me their stories, is when you stop worrying, just feel good about yourself and bring that to the world, then usually something happens.  People can feel your aura.  It might not be obvious but it is anything from a job interview to a chance meeting or a blind date, people on the other side of the table can sense someone’s aura and it makes an impact on them.

Many years ago, I was fired from my job.  That is a whole other story for another time.  I rebounded by getting 9 interviews and I went on every one of them in one full day.  Insane, perhaps, but the garment center is a different world, at least it was back then.  I also needed an income quick.

By the end of the day, I was offered 8 jobs.  I couldn’t believe that I didn’t get all 9!  I got on the subway to go back to the family that was then Fred, Jessica, and Emily, in Brooklyn Heights before Josh came along.  Needless to say, I was pretty damn happy with 8 potential offers, so I was walking on air.

As I am standing in the subway car, in a relatively packed train holding onto a pole, I notice this extremely good-looking man begin to make his way from across the car towards me.  He starts to talk to me and essentially ask me out for a drink.  I laughed and told him that I was married with two kids but was flattered.  That story still sticks with me today because the aura that was pouring out of my body was “I rule” and somehow across the entire length of the subway car, he was attracted to it.

To me, the lesson is, aura makes a difference.  Your aura can be different in different places too.  I probably put off an aura of “don’t fuck with me” at times and it works.  Just something to think about these days particularly with the muddy world we are living in, get your aura on.




Comments (Archived):

  1. Steven Kane

    amen!best quote ever:”To smile.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower, when asked what was his most important job in World War II

    1. Gotham Gal


  2. Erin

    Lol. As a woman who hooked up with a guy nine years her junior a few years ago, I’m smiling as I read about that neighbor lady in Modern Love. I’m still with mine, and aside from my tongue almost bleeding from my biting it every day, I’m still smiling. 🙂

  3. pointsnfigures

    Totally makes sense. I heard Arthur Brooks speak the other day. Even if you mimic or fake an aura, it can be enough to pull you there. I don’t like faking stuff but here is his story. His briefcase was broken and he had received a gift for speaking at a school. He started using that briefcase. He didn’t want to embarrass the school, so he carried himself differently when he was using that briefcase. Even though he wasn’t of that school, the reputation of that school imprinted itself on his behavior. I think your point about aura is correct. In your case, you earned your “aura” that day. But on days when you aren’t feeling the aura-you need to summon up inside you the idealistic aura you need to do your thing. It’s an interesting psychological construct.

  4. Dan Wick

    Love it. This is spot on.

  5. Heather Wetzler

    I LOVE MODERN LOVE!! I read it every week too! For me it was when I finally healed myself, that I found my husband. I think that is where the move from NYC to LA really helped. After over a decade in Manhattan, I moved to LA and LA has so many hippie-dippie healing amenities – anything goes out here. And I found an amazing therapist that put me in group therapy with 9 other amazing successful women who also all had imposter syndrome and I found Breath-work. So I was able to work on the my mind and my soul and now I meditate every day–which helps my Aura.

    1. Gotham Gal

      and there you have it….i love this.

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