Recalling Bad Men

This past week we hit the slopes for spring skiing. It was truly an epic year of snow. Some people we know came out skiing from NYC and Fred did a few runs with them. I caught up with them and their friends later in the morning. I went up with one of the men on the chairlift which is part of the whole experience. I learned that his wife had spent the beginning of her career at Macy’s. We had overlapped.

When we got to the top I asked her about Macy’s. Ends up she was at Bamberger’s NJ which was owned by Macy’s (bought in 1929) and changed its name to Macy’s in 1986. That was the beginning of massive shifts in the department store world.

We chatted a bit and then she told me she worked for a man, who I do say his name in public when I speak but never have written it down in a post, that I worked for as well. I said to her that he was the worst. He said to me that women do not move as quickly as men do. She then went on to tell more stories and what a disgusting person he was. Before the #metoo era the stories are endless and how I hope that they end.

This man has gone on to be extremely successful. For what it is worth, she told me that she wishes him to be dead. I would find it hard to believe that he has not retreated from his vile behavior.

Times are different now. We all must speak up. We can not let a next generation bump into someone on the ski slope and get angry reminiscing about a pompous, misogynistic, egomaniac white male (or anyone for that matter) who behaves in a way that is morally reprehensible because he thinks he is above it all.

The time must be up.

Comments (Archived):

  1. CCjudy

    This image of a person is now everywhere and is growing in “self confidence” and looms over all

    1. Gotham Gal

      Let’s hope so

  2. DeborahJane

    Unfortunately …our country is being led by one…and so how do we teach young men what is acceptable and not acceptable…when we as a country accept it at the top? It’s a difficult time.

    1. lisa hickey

      It’s not easy. But (one small example) there is a growing group of men that is consciously trying to grapple with this very thing. They often start by saying to themselves “My own father was a product of his times, but his way of raising me was abusive. And I am not going to raise my kids that way. And then actively seeking out resources to create the change they need.

    2. Gotham Gal

      Completely. It is such a difficult time

  3. lisa hickey

    Thanks for this post. It is so important we continue to call out abuse of all kinds. It is all interrelated.From studying abuse, abusers, and role societal norms and gender roles play in perpetuating abuse, I’ve discovered several frameworks that seem important:– Abusers don’t get caught, in part because they spend a disproportionate amount of time *figuring out how not to get caught*. We underestimate the depth of strategic planning of most abusers. It’s part of the game for them. For example, a group of Domestic Violence Offenders were overheard discussing the amount of time they would be in a relationship with a woman before physically assaulting them. And they agreed it was about 18 months. Those 18 months were used to make sure the woman couldn’t get away once they hit her.– Abusers who perpetuate one type of abuse often perpetuate other types—in part to gain power and immunity from consequences. People who sexually harass women in the workplace, for example, are also often abuse business through fraud, tax evasion, non payment of contractors, shady accounting practices, etc. And supporting systemic racism. Mass shooters are often have been found to have been past perpetrators of domestic violence, sexual abuse or misogyny. — Bringing these abuses to light and holding more people accountable is one of the best ways to create change. Thank you for your leadership in this area.

  4. jason wright

    “This man has gone on to be extremely successful.” Is his success correlated with his behaviour? If it is then it is rewarded. That’s hard to change in a society driven by the need to be a ‘winner’ and not a ‘loser’.

    1. Gotham Gal

      It appears to be changing. Stats are pointing towards more women everywhere