Why do women need validation?

Men seem to extremely confident in what they have to say. It seems to start at an early age. Women are such different animals vs their male counterparts. How we communicate our knowledge, make decisions, manage people, climb to the top, engage with people and more. The response to this, of course, is “no shit” but those unique approaches make me notice that many women do not trust themselves as much as they should.

Why do women need validation? The funny thing is we all know it. It feels good that someone backs us up. I’d like to see more women not have to be backed up in how we navigate the world, particularly business.

I have talked to countless female founders about taking control of their destinies. Not to feel compromised by a male board of directors but to own it. To get what you want and to not waver. Trust their own gut. I have been a cheerleader of sorts to many women giving them the trust they needed to hear. It is one of the things I love doing most when talking to female founders.

In order for women to dominate the world, and be the leaders of the future, we need to have more trust in ourselves. Trust me on this.

Comments (Archived):

  1. Anne Libby

    The other day I got “negged” at an airport gate, 7:55 in the morning. WTF. I was so shocked all that I could do was laugh (ambiguously) at the guy attempting to neg me. Unfortunately, I didn’t laugh uproriously, or tell him that he had pegged the situation right — I was out of his league. I avoided eye contact until I was able to board.Even at my age, and with my level of experience, I was dumbstruck. Then I started to think about the old research that talks about how young women “lose their voices” in adolescence, and thought, uh huh.Here’s an old piece on that research, sharing the old piece because I’m not sure how it has been updated. https://www.thecrimson.com/

    1. awaldstein

      first time i’ve heard that word. had to look it up.my naiveness surprises me at times.

      1. Anne Libby

        Arnold, it does not surprise me that you don’t travel in the worlds where that term would be bandied about. Thanks for your note.#MeToo has given me a ton to reflect on from my own history — remembering being a young professional, home sick with the Anita Hill hearings on linear TV — and reflecting on the fact that women in my age cohort (and our moms, grandmas, etc.) grew up without the vocabulary we have today. Terms like “hostile workplace environment,” or even “sexual harassment” were not in common usage.Having the vocabulary enables us to actually see the reality of the things — and “negging” is another valuable addition to the vocabulary. Even 5 years ago I would have wondered about the weird interaction at the airport, and wondered why it made me uncomfortable. Or I would have engaged with the guy, thinking that I needed to project some kind of neutral (or even friendly) composure.So that’s one upside to the era we’re living in. Not better enough (yet) but at least we can talk about the reality of (at least) some of it.

        1. JamesHRH

          Do you mind publishing what he did?I had to look it up to – I did not know the pick-up BS had terminology.FWIW, IMO – ‘techniquing’ a woman into sex is a non-accomplishment. It’s like getting a coupon for a free session with a prostitute while being completely sociopathic.

    2. LE

      or tell him that he had pegged the situation right — I was out of his leagueWhat do you mean by ‘I was out of his league’? In what way in particular? And by what I read about ‘negged’ you seem to be implying that he would not be the type of person that you would have any interest in so he was trying to make you chase him? (You could also mean the opposite but my guess is the way I have stated it). So what was the basis of that? Looks? The way he spoke? The way he dressed? His age? Hard to think you would know more about him than that the way this story is being told.Also I just read the definition of ‘negged’ and would be curious if you can share what the person said to you and what happened exactly.

      1. Anne Libby

        Lol, LE, I want to snap back with the snark, but because I’ve “known” you for so long, i’ve got a mission for you, should you choose to accept it: talk with your wife about this.(I do mean this sincerely and earnestly. I imagine that her experiences — she’s a doctor, right? — will be illuminating.)

        1. LE

          I know about her experiences (very generally) but I wanted to know about yours (which is why I asked). (Btw I don’t know what I said that would prompt a snark response the question was genuine in every way).

  2. JamesHRH

    Why is domination the goal?Do you know any healthy men who desire domination over things?Most uber successful people seem to be running from boredom. The power is less motivating than the fear of being without something new to do.That’s a traditionally male trait and not a great one.Also: aren’t most ‘people who do not need validation’ classified as sociopaths ( some are experienced, self aware & content, but not many…. ).

    1. Gotham Gal

      Good points. Perhaps I am espousing being more confident

  3. LE

    I think there is an assumption here that men are not (for lack of a better way to put it; sorry) ‘dicks’ toward other men.Two things are actually possible here.1) Women are treated different (True).2) Some men (key ‘some’) treat other men badly or dismiss them or are offensive to them. But those men don’t typically share those experiences with women or even for that matter in many cases other men. Inherent that it would make then appear to be weak and have ‘lost’.With #2 I don’t have a statistic (and never will) on how often that happens. But it does happen. And I believe it happens a great deal.Not only that but I have found that any women that I have been with is not interested in hearing anything that sounds like ‘my man got taken advantage of, dismissed, or conquered by another man’.I think this actually dates back to the time of cave men (pulling this out of my ass here but hey that is what men do, right?). My theory goes that the man had to go out and hunt and bring back the meal. And the women didn’t really care why he didn’t bring back the meal. Excuses didn’t matter just ‘make sure we have a food on the table’.