Being Seen

Growing up, I was never seen. I did many of the classic suburban kids’ stuff, from piano lessons to sports, although my Dad never made an appearance at these events. If I got an A or a D, it did not matter. There wasn’t any worthy career advice, except from my Mom, who said I couldn’t be a teacher because you don’t make any money.

Maybe it was my parents’ generation that carried the trauma of both of their families. They were stuck between generations. Not young enough to participate in the ’60s, when they began having kids.

My father always had to be the smartest in the room, so it is not surprising that none of us (meaning my siblings) were ever praised or acknowledged.

I have grappled for years on why I need to climb every mountain. Why at my age would I jump into a new endeavor, even though I do love building things? Perhaps it all comes down to being seen.

It is difficult for men, regardless of how much they support feminism and equality, to understand that women often have to work harder to be recognized. Certainly, ego plays a role because we all want to be seen. I mean, look at Instagram.

I have worked to be a very different parent from how my parents were. I have expressed that I wanted to be present in their lives, which is connected to many decisions I have made regarding my career. But the reality is, it isn’t so much about being physically present as it is about ensuring they feel seen, celebrating their successes, listening to their frustrations and joys, and helping them navigate their world.

How many times have I been slighted or ignored standing next to my husband? Countless. How many times does someone pretend that they want to connect to me but want to connect to my husband? Only women know precisely what I am talking about; no matter how successful you are, it is still harder for women to show they got game.