Thriving or Surviving?

Yesterday I met up again with Tanya, who is a reader of this
blog.  I had the pleasure of
meeting with Tanya for the first time when I was in London this past year.  Yesterday, we had lunch at the Wolseley.  She goes there when she misses NYC.  The restaurant reminded me of
Balthazar. 

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I had a delicious tuna nicoise salad. 

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Tanya had a cappuccino after. 


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I went with the tea.  Nice pot.

Tanya is a survivor who is learning how to thrive.  She found herself a few years ago working like crazy in Wall
Street and realized she might be good at it but she didn’t enjoy it.  Took a breather for a year and slowly
began to return to the business world in her own terms.  She has a line of yoga t-shirts and is
working on the growth of that business. 
The other thing she is doing is making a documentary, which she funded
through Kickstarter.  It is a documentary about 10 people who were sexually abused as children and not only
survived but are now thriving. 

The thriving part is what I keep thinking about.  As Tanya put it, someone could drop her
in the middle of the desert and she could figure out how to get back but that
isn’t thriving, that is surviving. 
Something I can totally relate to. 

I have always plowed through anything that came my way
without a thought about how I would get there.  When I was younger, I was sure that I could easily run a
multi-million dollar company and I would.  My
vision was I’d put on my heels, put on my suit, have my kids kissing me good-bye in the morning, perfectly dressed
and behaved, a husband that adored me and off I’d go.  No thought to the stress, how I’d juggle all the
responsibilities, how I’d raise
the kids and be around for them,  how I’d feel about being at work and not being
at home or how it would all fall into place.  It is a survival instinct.  Thriving is taking time out to smell the roses, make the
connections with the people around you, thinking about how decisions are
affecting your life.  I was always
looking ahead instead of enjoying the day to day. 

It has taken time and work but I am trying to thrive.  Many women go into that survival mode
while they are taking that short perhaps 10 year hiatus to be focused on their
kids and their family or focused on their work life.  A lot of
these women are now waking up and saying to themselves, how do I thrive in this
arena that I have created for myself.  I might be surviving but by not thriving I am not sure how happy I really am. How can I thrive and be
part of the working world again in my own terms.  This is the first generation that were told that they could
do it all and have found that they really want to but are having a tough time achieving that goal. 

We are surviving but
what we really need to do is thrive.