What is happening to the dance?
I have posted several times about the bad behavior of men and how it is unacceptable especially from men in power who have used that to take advantage of women (and men) who are put in positions where they are scared to say anything because they are told not to and mostly because they are concerned about the impact on their careers. Someone finally spoke up and there has been a wake-up call that has spread like fire. There are a few industries who have yet to be drawn in but it is only time before we see them unravel too.
Yet, there is a huge difference between powerful sexual harassment and stupidity. I am fearful of putting them in one big pot as it minimizes the really bad offenders. And so I ask the question, what is happening to the dance? The dance being men flirting with women and women flirting with men. Over the past 50 years, a lot has changed in regards to sex and dating. Perhaps it is the long-tail of birth control. There were the days in the 1950’s when if a single woman got pregnant, she was ostracized and looked down upon, but now if you are responsible, you can have sex freely without getting pregnant until you want to get pregnant. That has created a different playing field for women who feel empowered to hook-up with men for a one-night stand where 50 years ago that was shunned. There is a slew of dating apps that are used for that alone. Now it is the norm but perhaps the expectations of women are different from men when it comes to hooking up and it shouldn’t be.
There is also social media. You can take to the airways when an evening did not go as planned. You can take to the airways when someone at work said something stupid or did something stupid. Maybe it is the access to our smartphones that makes it easier to just relay what is going on in our heads. Here is the thing, we all have voices and we need to use them. If you meet on an app or meet someone at a party or a colleague asks you out and the evening takes a turn that you didn’t see coming, then speak up. We can all say, this is not ok, no I do not want to go back to your place with you, please get your hand off my leg, thanks but no thanks, I am not interested in you and so forth. Words are powerful and we are taught them as a young child to speak up. Go into any 4-year-old class and the teacher says over and over again, “use your words”. Speak up before writing a social media piece that destroys someone’s character that doesn’t deserve to be destroyed.
I am not minimalizing anything that happened to anyone but women and men put themselves out there in ways where the rules are changing and nobody seems quite sure of the rules. Let’s use our voices in the moment not after the fact leaving the one person completely ignorant of their behavior until they are called out on the plate in a post. Do it in the moment. It is fun to dance but nobody can read someone’s mind, they can only understand clear concise words especially when they are yes or no