Independence vs the Hover
My parents, pre-divorce, were friends with our rabbi and his wife. They were very loose in their child rearing. She was a very progressive psychoanalysis. They allowed their children to draw all over the walls with crayons and markers. The idea was when their children turned a certain age, I believe it was 6 and 8, then they would change the rules. My mom said "good luck with that one". You have to start with setting boundaries and learning right from wrong at an early age. I think that goes for parents too.
I have written about the hovering helicopter parents before. Someone told me other day that there are 3 areas that he wants his group to work on disrupting; terrorists, religion and parenting. That kind of says something. I am watching the hovering continue as kids grow into young adults and I find it amazing.
Jessica just graduated college and she is moving towards her life as a young adult. Her path will be different than mine and Freds as it should be. Her path will be hers. I remember when we graduated school and then took a two month cross country trip eventually landing in NYC to start working. We found our own apartment, we wrote a check for the security deposit and then we began to work. We paid our bills, we managed our bank accounts, we worked like dogs. I might have asked for advice but I was my own person, I was independent. I would expect our kids to be the same. Making their own life choices and managing their own finances.
As I move into my next adulthood, the empty nest world, raising independent kids will have given us the opportunity to not have to spend our time hovering and doing for our kids but enjoying them as adults in the life that they have chosen for themselves. It might be different now than it was when I grew up but in many ways…not so much.