January 26, 2008

Being a Mom

I have written on this topic before, being a Mom. I have been thinking a lot about the ever changing roles Moms play. At least the ever changing role I find myself in.

I have been super busy lately which is why I haven’t blogged daily since we have returned from Xmas vacation. The longer I have been out of the classic work life ( 9 to 5 in an office ) my new work life has evolved as so has many of my friends who have opted to balance the life of work, play and be a mom.

I have managed to create an umbrella for myself of different jobs. Make sure everyone gets the TLC they need in our home from making dinner every night to scheduling the monthly, yearly and random doctor appts, bday events, dinner parties, theater, date nights, travel, summer activities, etc, etc. Over the years I have been active in the school which I sit on some committees that happen to be active right now and I stay involved with a non-profit and sometimes have meetings to brainstorm or raise money. Although I am not needed daily I keep on top of a few investments that we are in.

Bottom line, my days are pretty busy these days but in many ways my job, per se, is lonely. I have many balls in the air and try to sit down and write a blog at one point of the day but lately it hasn’t happened. There is something missing being the lone man in an office that has many jobs that I can only fill.

When I ran the cosmetics department at Macy’s Kings Plaza, I found a true friend who ran the accessories Department. We are still good friends today. The businesses we were running were totally different but we had a camaraderie. We had coffee in the morning and maybe lunch. The conversations could be about anything but in essence we shared an office. Sure I talk to friends over the course of the day and we discuss anything from eye cream to politics but once I hang up, I am sitting alone in my office with a huge "to do" list.

Believe me, I am quite aware what a full wonderful life I lead but believe it or not, sometimes it is lonely. My guess is there are many more women out there that feel the same. I’d love to hear from you.

Bonny – I totally agree – finding people who actually live life is not always easy – in work or outside of work. And then, even among the ones who are active – finding the ones who are truly genuine and not simply just in motion for the sake of being in motion can be difficult.

J -There were so many times in the office I felt so lonely(intellectually), even surrounded by so many people – I find that my time at home is more fulfilling but yes, especially from January-April – I will feel the cycle of loneliness at home. When I speak to my 79 year old mother – who lives alone, 3,000 miles away from any family member – I am reminded why these cycles are important to work through now. She lives a very solitary life but seems to have figured out how to make that work. I think it is all a process that we have to work through because it is probably in our future as well. Perhaps we will be better prepared?

Sometimes, it’s not so much true loneliness at home – but simply the absence of the camaraderie we had in the workplace? There was just always someone available – for a laugh if nothing else – it was human and it was instant.

Everyone is so busy – even having a quick coffee takes planning weeks in advance and then can be quickly canceled because of a child’s flu, or an inspection sticker someone forgot to renew- but the key is not to stop the planning. Keep your close friends close and keep up the connections with the people who feed your brain. Then in the times you are feeling lonely – you know that it is a temporary feeling – it is just a habit that is not yet broken, feeling lonely – your people are out there for you – just not in the moment.

Loneliness is not something that needs or finds a solution – it is a habit and process we work through our entire lives – at different stages we feel it differently and for different reasons. It is never very comfortable. But somehow, once resolved – even for the moment – life feels better.

Comments (Archived):

Dory Jan 28, 2008

Oh, man, Joanne, I’m your buddy forever and ever! In fact, yesterday I bought Staff Meals for the simple reason that you recommended it.
Juliet Blake Jan 29, 2008

Joanne,
I love your blog and specially enjoyed your Being A Mom post. Lily went to school with Jessica when we lived in NY. I think about my role as a Mom and my husbands as parent #1 – we have the best role reversal I could ever have hoped for. Mark just finished renovating a very cool mid century modern house for us here in DC and supervising Lily, her homework, social life, cooking up a storm and keeping the trains on the track and we love him for it..

I miss NY, the energy, restaurants, theater, so it’s great reading your blog occassionally to catch up on new places, we’ve kept our house in Brooklyn and I guess we’ll come back at some point… My job at National Geographic is great, actually using my brain and making some really interesting television plus this is a totally fascinating time to be living in DC. All the best to you and the family.
Juliet Blake (Shepherd)
[email protected]
Bonny Jan 29, 2008

Hi Joanne. I should look and see if you are indeed peeking in my window as I believe you are the voice of many! I run a small medical communications company out of my NC home and enjoy the travel and brain stimulation but you are right, it can get lonely. I have to give you credit for stimulating me to travel more for pleasure(Santa Monica and Paris!)and to view the operation of my family as an honor and less as a burden. The difficult thing here is finding friends that participate in the world and aren’t just lurkers. I remember flying alone to NYC to see the Joan Didion play and my friends thought I was crazy. It helps knowing that there are many of us. Strong, independent, motivated and committed to our families. Rock on sister…………
Laura Jan 29, 2008

Bonny – I totally agree – finding people who actually live life is not always easy – in work or outside of work. And then, even among the ones who are active – finding the ones who are truly genuine and not simply just in motion for the sake of being in motion can be difficult.

J -There were so many times in the office I felt so lonely(intellectually), even surrounded by so many people – I find that my time at home is more fulfilling but yes, especially from January-April – I will feel the cycle of loneliness at home. When I speak to my 79 year old mother – who lives alone, 3,000 miles away from any family member – I am reminded why these cycles are important to work through now. She lives a very solitary life but seems to have figured out how to make that work. I think it is all a process that we have to work through because it is probably in our future as well. Perhaps we will be better prepared?

Sometimes, it’s not so much true loneliness at home – but simply the absence of the camaraderie we had in the workplace? There was just always someone available – for a laugh if nothing else – it was human and it was instant.

Everyone is so busy – even having a quick coffee takes planning weeks in advance and then can be quickly canceled because of a child’s flu, or an inspection sticker someone forgot to renew- but the key is not to stop the planning. Keep your close friends close and keep up the connections with the people who feed your brain. Then in the times you are feeling lonely – you know that it is a temporary feeling – it is just a habit that is not yet broken, feeling lonely – your people are out there for you – just not in the moment.

Loneliness is not something that needs or finds a solution – it is a habit and process we work through our entire lives – at different stages we feel it differently and for different reasons. It is never very comfortable. But somehow, once resolved – even for the moment – life feels better.